The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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