Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
