Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
