party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Your cock deserves a montage
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
