I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
