My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
