Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
