nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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