Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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