Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
