He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
