Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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