his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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