meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
