apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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