We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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