You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
