remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Houston, we have a squirter
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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