My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
