i would punch a child for taco bell
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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