1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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