i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
