Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
