Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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