How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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