I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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