Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
