I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
