He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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