i wish peter jackson would direct porn
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
