The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
