the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Randomize
