Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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