and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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