She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You're earring is so big in my mouth
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
either way he was missing a nipple.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
