I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
