yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
