So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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