can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
