Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
