At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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