I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
All the doctor said was why
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
