i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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