guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
