Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
