so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
do herpes really smell.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I AM VODKA MAN
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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