Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
