The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
