i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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