I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
