When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
