It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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