i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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